If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

Growing up, my family wasn't very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets.

In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.

I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.