Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh?

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim.

I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.

Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.

After September 11th, freedom of speech in America has become a topic that's touchier than a Vatican summer camp.

Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on.