Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh?

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.

Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.

The good thing about Pittsburgh, it's a good place to be raised... it doesn't tolerate assholes. You're either a good guy or you're a bad guy... When I'm in Los Angeles having these incredibly surreal moments where nobody's saying anything and everybody's talking incessantly, I always have that Pittsburgh voice in my head - shut up, smile, get the job, move on.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?