That receiver was as wide open as Annabel Chong.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.

I'm actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I'm always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn't take too much effort.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day.

Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch.