The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?

I come from that earlier time in America when palm pilot was a nickname you recieved upon entering puberty! I was more than a palm pilot I was the palm Chuck Jager. Tom Wolfe wrote a book about me called The Right Hand Stuff. I was the only guy in my class hip enough to move to the European grip.

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.