There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? I could go back to my hotel room tonight and futz with the thermostat for three to four hours. I could not detect that difference.

The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle.

Teresa Lewis, the only woman on death row in Virginia, says she doesn't deserve the death penalty because she only hired the killers of her husband and stepson, she didn't actually pull the trigger herself. You know, she has a point. I think we should let her be able to hire the person who executes her, and not do yourself in! How's that, doll? Yeah! Get it over with quick, maybe Charlize Theron will sign up to play you.

Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.

Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh?

Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if I want to.