There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? I could go back to my hotel room tonight and futz with the thermostat for three to four hours. I could not detect that difference.

I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man, and maybe it's the times we live in. They say he's not an environmentalist. But every time I see his ranch on TV, it looks pretty nice. You know something, if we all took care of our own, we'd have a great environment.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

I think [Ann Coulter] understands that, she's Pavlov's dog. She gets the corn kernel if she hits that drum once in a while.

The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.