Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.

I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.

I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.

Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.

It's wrong to discriminate based on skin color when there are so many other reasons not to like someone.

I think [Ann Coulter] understands that, she's Pavlov's dog. She gets the corn kernel if she hits that drum once in a while.