How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.

Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.

Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam "We're #1" finger.

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.