How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.

It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.

With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in the 'dog pound' are secretly calculating how much blood they're going to have to sell next week to put groceries on the table.

Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.

I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from overseas wants to blow up their wedding, that's when I'm right.