I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.

Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this."

Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8. My kids' kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.

For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.

American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.

That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.

Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam "We're #1" finger.