I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.

How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.

The Nazi signs have got to stop. If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign saying that 'Bush is Hitler,' forget the peace thing for a second and beat his ass, because he is not Hitler.

The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted.

The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don't see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments.