It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark.

I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!

That receiver was as wide open as Annabel Chong.