It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark.

Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day.

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reasons.

I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if I want to.

Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it'... but first, you gotta have a dead end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?