Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when, if you take the time to get to know them as a human being, you can find so many other things to hate them for?

Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq and al-Qaeda!' Come on. They both think we're Satan. Isn't that a nice starting point? Why are you so loathe to believe they might have each other on lunatic speed dial?

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.