I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.

I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

The good thing about Pittsburgh, it's a good place to be raised... it doesn't tolerate assholes. You're either a good guy or you're a bad guy... When I'm in Los Angeles having these incredibly surreal moments where nobody's saying anything and everybody's talking incessantly, I always have that Pittsburgh voice in my head - shut up, smile, get the job, move on.

Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.