If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!

The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.

Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted.