If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.

Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.

Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber.

I'm glad I don't have a lot of money in the market. And quite frankly, you'd be better off giving your money to a colorblind roulette addict than put it in the stock market.

I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.