Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reasons.

When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day.

I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed.

Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.