I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.

Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.

That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.

Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?

I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.

I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son.