Therapists need to give a depressed patient support and direction.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers. Probably because it's hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.

It takes a certain amount of guts to go to your class reunions.

I have yet to see one of those Comedy Central shows with multiple standup comics that doesn't include someone the size of the Hindenburg.

Why anyone, by dying, should thereby be declared beyond criticism, innocent of wrongdoing, suddenly filled with virtue and above reproach escapes me.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.