I tell people, 'If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.

America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don't misuse a household pet.

I am one of the funniest people on the planet.

Why are black folks singing Amazing Grace which is a song about a white slaver's conversion?

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.

Now here's what I'm saying: I've always believed that every other month we hear about compromisation of bank records, I think that's the CIA and the FBI. Now let me tell you why I'm saying this. I don't believe no insignificant pip-squeak is going to be able to pull this off month after month and we can't find out what's going on.

I won't say I'm out of condition now - but I even puff going downstairs.