I am one of the funniest people on the planet.

Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.

I went to Ethiopia, and it dawned on me that you can tell a starving, malnourished person because they've got a bloated belly and a bald head. And I realized that if you come through any American airport and see businessmen running through with bloated bellies and bald heads, that's malnutrition, too.

The United States is the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual nation that ever existed in the history of the planet.

If democracy is such a good thing, let's have more of it.

When I was a boy, I was taught never to use insulting expressions like, 'I've been gypped,' or, 'He welshed on the deal.'

When I go through the airport and see white women walking through the airport barefooted, like athlete's feet don't exist, there's something wrong.