If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

Be kind to dumb people.

A lot of men think that if they smile for a second, somebody will take advantage of them, and they are right.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

Methods of locomotion have improved greatly in recent years, but places to go remain about the same.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

The chief trouble with jazz is that there is not enough of it; some of it we have to listen to twice.