About the time we get old enough to be as wicked as we want to be, we don't want to be so very wicked after all.

A lot of men think that if they smile for a second, somebody will take advantage of them, and they are right.

I had, out of my sixty teachers, a scant half dozen who couldn't have been supplanted by phonographs.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we should never need solace.

Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different people

I wish I were either rich enough or poor enough to do a lot of things that are impossible in my present comfortable circumstances.