When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit.

I can sit all day in a comfortable chair and watch ball games, but I don't need a blanket.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

Everything I do on stage, I made up in saloons. I started doing it in front of people, and that became my performance. I never had writers.

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson.

To this day, to this very day, except for television, I've never had a writer. Anything I've ever done on the stage, happened on the stage and I developed it from there. It started doing impressions and jokes - which I did very poorly. To this day I can't tell a joke. That sounds nuts, but it's true. I exaggerate it and it becomes a joke. Everything I've ever done I've done out on the stage and it became a performance over many many years.