Everything I do on stage, I made up in saloons. I started doing it in front of people, and that became my performance. I never had writers.

Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.

It takes many years to be a great comedian.

I don't feel an obligation to give everyone a hard time, but when they're important people, it's fun.

That I walk around calling people 'dummy' and 'hockey puck'. I do have a different life apart from being sarcastic on stage. I might kibitz around with my friends, but I'm nothing like the person who does stand up. Nothing like that.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

You know what's funny to me? Attitude.