I was with George Washington at Valley Forge, sitting around before an attack... gimme a break. That's over 70 years ago already.

That I walk around calling people 'dummy' and 'hockey puck'. I do have a different life apart from being sarcastic on stage. I might kibitz around with my friends, but I'm nothing like the person who does stand up. Nothing like that.

Who am I to judge is what I say. I'm 90 years old, for crying out loud, and I don't sit in any chariot.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you're 18, you're just so busy being scared and having fun - a crazy mixture - that you never thought of dying.

You know what's funny to me? Attitude.

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.