We had a teacher, named Mr. Brown, and he was writing something on the board once - he was writing something on the board, and he farted. And you would have thought kids had seen the face of God. Kids weren't even laughing; they were just sitting there screaming, just screaming. Kids had to get carted out; kids were screaming. Kids had to get carted out, and they were going to the nurses' office. Kids are crying in the hallway. 'Oh, this is our 9/11.' And it was. It was their 9/11 'cause they never thought anything like that could ever happen.

Usually, if I think something is really funny, I'm not gonna test it. I'll just test it when I'm onstage.

It seems the more I try to connect with the world, I am feeling more alone than I ever have felt before

Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.

We lay out our lives in a narrative we understand, like a movie, but are you enjoying making it or are you wondering who's watching my movie.

I have to say it's better to be an actor, only because people worry about what time you go to sleep and what you dress like. As opposed to a writer, where it's like, "Oh I'm in my New York University sweatshirt and I'm not wearing pants." You're not worried about what you're eating or anything. It's all a part of your process.

I feel like... I don't have a wife, I don't have a kids, but... I see rappers and I'm like, I know that's fake. I know how much you make, this is all bullshit. But people are buying into it, and you shouldn't have that power. I'm legit trying to make honest moves so that all of us can grow. I want to make a show where my sister can work on and become a producer because she can't get in, no one's leting her. I want to make things where people can actually grow. A place where people can actually be honest.