What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of living high.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.

For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.

The real secret of patience is to find something to do in the meantime.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.