Doug Larson Quotes

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of living high.

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

The real secret of patience is to find something to do in the meantime.

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

Nostalgia: A device that removes the ruts and potholes from memory lane.

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.

The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.

Achieving it is not only the chief means of adding to your regular duties.

The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.

There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.

It's a wise person who knows the difference between free speech and cheap talk.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number.

It's your ability to inspire and uplift other people that matters, not your ability to outdo them.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Bad news travels fast. Good news takes the scenic route.

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

A clean basement, garage and attic are signs of an empty life.

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.

A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.

There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in humanity.

The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older.