Some people just join the military because they need college money. Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.

Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!

When you come out of that pink ugly hole onto this planet you're nothing but a gooey shrieking wrinkled ball of weakness.

I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD

Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.