Some people just join the military because they need college money. Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.

People want an idol. They want royalty. They don't want a public servant. Hell no. They want someone to clap for and go, "Oh, he touched my hand at the rally!"

Sex is free fun for poor people.

The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

Coward is the most misused word in our society.

Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.