AA makes Scientology look credible.

Old people always tell you: 'When you've been around as long I have, then you can argue.' As soon as they're ripped off, it's a different story.

If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've had countless audience members offer me free drugs but I also got free hernia surgery.

Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.

You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.

I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds.

You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.