There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act.

If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.

I'm in a perfect position. I don't want to be more famous and I can't lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want.

Right at the end of the big wall of vibrators, $29.95, big rubber fist. Thirty bucks! Just in time for mothers day.

That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.

The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.

My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?