he ones that bother me the most are the media saying, "He's like the next Bill Hicks." It's supposed to be complimentary, but then all these Bill Hicks fans show up thinking you're going to be like him, and then go, "You're no Bill Hicks." And I'm like, "I never wanted to try to be like him, I don't think I'm anything like him at all, and now you're mad at me for not being him because a journalist didn't have a better reference."

Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.

If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.