he ones that bother me the most are the media saying, "He's like the next Bill Hicks." It's supposed to be complimentary, but then all these Bill Hicks fans show up thinking you're going to be like him, and then go, "You're no Bill Hicks." And I'm like, "I never wanted to try to be like him, I don't think I'm anything like him at all, and now you're mad at me for not being him because a journalist didn't have a better reference."

"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.

I don't ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something just because it's in the news. That's the guy that comes off like you have to be angry every week about new topics and snotty about something. That's what I'm trying to avoid.

There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.

Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.

I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it's all hype and garbage, but you're still really paranoid afterwards. It's fun entertainment.