he ones that bother me the most are the media saying, "He's like the next Bill Hicks." It's supposed to be complimentary, but then all these Bill Hicks fans show up thinking you're going to be like him, and then go, "You're no Bill Hicks." And I'm like, "I never wanted to try to be like him, I don't think I'm anything like him at all, and now you're mad at me for not being him because a journalist didn't have a better reference."

Canada, the drinking age is 18, that's unnecessary. Nobody wants to get loaded around people who have hope and their whole lives still ahead of them.

So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.

Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!

People want an idol. They want royalty. They don't want a public servant. Hell no. They want someone to clap for and go, "Oh, he touched my hand at the rally!"