He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.

People hate people just cause they want someone different to hate.

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.

I don't have a gun. But I think they level the playing field. I accept that there's really nothing you can do about it. It's like nuclear weapons; if they exist then eventually other people are going to have them. Maybe just take away people's motivation to use them.

AA makes Scientology look credible.