There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps.

I don't know. Both my parents are dead. So? Wait, I got pictures of their corpses in my wallet. I had them blown up as murals. Here.

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.

There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.