They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've had countless audience members offer me free drugs but I also got free hernia surgery.

I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?

What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.

There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act.

Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.