If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've had countless audience members offer me free drugs but I also got free hernia surgery.

You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.

I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.

Coward is the most misused word in our society.

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?

Unfortunately this is where comedy works, where people are the most miserable.

The only way I thought I could do a greatest hits album is to do it in a prison where they have no f**king idea who I am. I'd do what I consider the best of those old, early CDs before I did DVDs. A women's prison would be even better, but it has to be English-speaking.