People want an idol. They want royalty. They don't want a public servant. Hell no. They want someone to clap for and go, "Oh, he touched my hand at the rally!"

Right at the end of the big wall of vibrators, $29.95, big rubber fist. Thirty bucks! Just in time for mothers day.

As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.

The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn't quite happen.

There should be no such thing as a vice law. Every vice is only a bad habit, and the punishment is inherent in the act.

Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company.