What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.

If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.

Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying: 'What are you going to do about that, faggot?' That is cowardice. When the bullets start flying past that jock's saucer-shaped ears, that's not cowardice. That's payback.

A lot of the Olympic games just boil down to genetics. Michael Phelps is genetically built to swim better than other people if he trains the same way. You might as well have a competition for who's the tallest, and act like it's anyone's game!

Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don't want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual, natural desire and the last thing they want to do is believe that it has any detrimental side, or if they do believe it, they think it's different for them because they live in a gated community or whatever the reason.