I don't ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something just because it's in the news. That's the guy that comes off like you have to be angry every week about new topics and snotty about something. That's what I'm trying to avoid.

The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.

The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.

Statistical high Vegas odds probability is that nothing of any significance will ever happen to you in your entire boring life.

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they're scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: You can't just go out and sell it for what it's worth, we're holding out for so much more!

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.