The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.

Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.

There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

There are some occasions in which a man must tell half his secret, in order to conceal the rest; but there is seldom one in which a man should tell all. Great skill is necessary to know how far to go, and where to stop.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.

He's my usual type of fan... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.