All traditions are stupid unless you came up with it yourself.

Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.

I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.

If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby - go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made and waiting for you.

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

They never differentiate between drug users and drug addicts... I've done most drugs there are socially, I never had a problem.

I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!