The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying: 'What are you going to do about that, faggot?' That is cowardice. When the bullets start flying past that jock's saucer-shaped ears, that's not cowardice. That's payback.

In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points.

I'm forty four; I'm way closer to dead than I am life of the party.

There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit.

Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile.

People hate people just cause they want someone different to hate.

Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.