Separation of Church and State is the perineum of America and the episiotomy didn't hold.

I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.

There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

It's our flaws who make us who we are.

People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.