The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.

Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag.

Unfortunately this is where comedy works, where people are the most miserable.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

I've never tried to drive my career in any particular direction. I've always been an in-the-moment, live-for-today guy. I've never had a goal, and nearly everything I've done has been an accident. I just play to me, and if I can amuse myself, I consider it a victory.

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.