Comedy is like music; it builds on itself. Once someone comes up with a theory or a different way of doing things, people start to mimic it on some level. That's why you go back to the guys you loved in the 80s... and it just seems tired now, because it was all foundation.

I'm in a perfect position. I don't want to be more famous and I can't lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want.

If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby - go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made and waiting for you.

Did you ever try to sleep sober?

I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds.

If you have a good product. You don't need to advertise. You've done drugs? Did you ever see them advertised?

A lot of the Olympic games just boil down to genetics. Michael Phelps is genetically built to swim better than other people if he trains the same way. You might as well have a competition for who's the tallest, and act like it's anyone's game!