I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.

Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.

As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.

I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

Why even moon a sorority girl if they can't see the swingy egg bag part of it?

I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.