I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.

Comedy is like music; it builds on itself. Once someone comes up with a theory or a different way of doing things, people start to mimic it on some level. That's why you go back to the guys you loved in the 80s... and it just seems tired now, because it was all foundation.

AA makes Scientology look credible.

Controversial issues are always more interesting but I don't create material about a subject I have opinion on just because it's controversial. The most fun is having a point of view that the audience is generally against and presenting an argument that challenges their thinking.

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."