Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.

AA makes Scientology look credible.

Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years?

Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.

There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.

Old people always tell you: 'When you've been around as long I have, then you can argue.' As soon as they're ripped off, it's a different story.

The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.