People always try to palm me weed when I'm always talking about how I don't smoke weed. But they always try to ... and when they stop offering me weed, then I'm going to feel kind of out of touch, like: "What did I do wrong that you won't offer me drugs that I don't do?" Because I'll trade those drugs out for drugs that I do do.

Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.

Sex is free fun for poor people.

If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.

What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.

There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit.