I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.

Coward is the most misused word in our society.

Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in.

That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.

It is a great advantage for any man to be able to talk or hear, neither ignorantly nor absurdly, upon any subject; for I have known people, who have not said one word, hear ignorantly and absurdly; it has appeared by their inattentive and unmeaning faces.