I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

People wrestle alligators but not once has someone done it without an audience.

I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.

"Close your mouth when you chew." That was my mother's big one.Why do people eat lunch together? I want to eat by myself. Chewing is one of the most revolting things to me. Wind makes me unnerved, too.

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.

So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps.

I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.