I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.

I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA.

If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions.

The only way I thought I could do a greatest hits album is to do it in a prison where they have no f**king idea who I am. I'd do what I consider the best of those old, early CDs before I did DVDs. A women's prison would be even better, but it has to be English-speaking.

So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps.

I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.