So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps.

People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than what they used to do... which sucked a lot.

Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.

The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn't quite happen.

[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.