The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.

The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying: 'What are you going to do about that, faggot?' That is cowardice. When the bullets start flying past that jock's saucer-shaped ears, that's not cowardice. That's payback.

I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.

I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus. It's sad to see 'em go. You see a thirty day chip on your buddy's key ring, it's like seeing a toe tag on his cold, stiff corpse.

Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company.

If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.

People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.