I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.

If you have a good product. You don't need to advertise. You've done drugs? Did you ever see them advertised?

There are some occasions in which a man must tell half his secret, in order to conceal the rest; but there is seldom one in which a man should tell all. Great skill is necessary to know how far to go, and where to stop.

Anything that I don't understand or can't do is stupid.

People always try to palm me weed when I'm always talking about how I don't smoke weed. But they always try to ... and when they stop offering me weed, then I'm going to feel kind of out of touch, like: "What did I do wrong that you won't offer me drugs that I don't do?" Because I'll trade those drugs out for drugs that I do do.

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.

Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met