I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.

There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?

I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end.

Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.

I don't ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something just because it's in the news. That's the guy that comes off like you have to be angry every week about new topics and snotty about something. That's what I'm trying to avoid.

I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.