Get the right to marry - and then don't.

I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you.

High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.

If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've had countless audience members offer me free drugs but I also got free hernia surgery.

I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.

Get the right to marry - and then don't.

Every vice is already a punishment in itself... you don't need a ticket on top of it.